I am very sorry that the software that I created and put online for free, without any warranty, explicit or implied, has not met your expectations. You are entitled to a full refund. I have taken the liberty to initiate it. You should already have it.

No, I am not changing my project’s license from AGPLv3-or-later to MIT. I am very sorry that “impacts” your ability to use my package in your “product.” No, I don’t care about my “reach.” Feel free to take back that star.

Thank you for your pull request. Yes, that does seem like a useful feature, but you shouldn’t have, and I mean you really shouldn’t have. I read all 3700 words of the PR description (I appreciated the bulletpoints and bolded sections throughout), and god only knows why, I also reviewed the commits. I see the commits say they were co-authored by Claude, but from having read the code, I think you haven’t given Claude enough credit. I have now turned off PRs for everyone who isn’t on the approved list of contributors. Yes, that list only has me and my friend Kyla, who doesn’t really write any code. Thank you for your contribution.

Yes, I know that other project has implemented this feature, and many others that have been on my backlog. If you want to depend on people who have no taste in software, you are welcome to use their project instead of mine. Open source is not a competition. Yes, I know they support Windows, which we don’t. PRs welcome. No, not from you, and definitely not from them. We do support Plan 9, because one day I ate the mushrooms my friend Kyla gave me for my birthday, and realised we needed that to heal the Universe.

Yes, I know they have about ten times more stars than me. Their project is on GitHub, and mine is on Codeberg, where every star is worth 100 on GitHub. Sure, whatever, it doesn’t work that way. The point is, I don’t care. I have other values. Those stars don’t pay the bills anyway. I know because I tried, and was told I had to stop.

Oh, thank you for letting me know that someone has vibe-rewritten my project in Go, Rust, Swift, and Kotlin, all at once, and has also implemented every feature on my backlog and wishlist. Their README does have a lot of cool visual effects, I agree. Oh, I see they dual-licensed it in MIT and Apache 2.0. Good for them. I see they’re also merging about 21 PRs a day, because their README shows a real-time graph. All made by their their “AI teammates,” look at that. I wish I was their credit card, because then I might finally be in a happy relationship with someone who loves to use me. Oh, look, the README just lit up because another PR got merged. The LLM that merged it gave the LLM that reviewed it a folded hands emoji. Good luck to anyone who wants to use this, because honestly they’ll need it. Oh, look, another PR just made it in. How wonderful. They’re burning the planet for this.

Yes, I do see they now have a trendy online bank as their platinum-level sponsor, and three online gambling platforms as their gold-level sponsors. I bet they give those badges to anyone. Wait, how much? Oh. Cool. Cool cool cool. Cool.

Me? I’m not doing this for money, but for the love of software and computing, and because I want the world to be a better place. No, not for you, because you keep using phrases like “agentic development lifecycle” with a straight face, and that is getting annoying. If I could find an OSI-compatible way to legally prevent you from using my code, or any code, forever, I would. Just be thankful my belief in the principles of open source is more important to me than the visceral hate I feel for you and everyone like you. No, I don’t want your “agent’s” “contributions.” Anyway, Codeberg could kick me off just for us talking.

Yes, I am looking for funding. Which foundation? Oh, yes, I have applied for a grant with them. Their new guidelines say, in deliberately vague language, that every applicant needs to be in Europe. I wrote a short essay about how Europe is less a place than an idea, and ideas know no borders. Yes, thank you, I also thought that was a pretty good take! Unfortunately, my application was rejected. If you know any EU residents who want to pretend to contribute to my project, let me know.

Despite what you might think, I do use AI. I actually asked ChatGPT to help me find grants in the US, but all of its suggestions led to dead links. Some of them ended in .gov, which said “you tried to seek government funding. This incident will be reported,” with a silly picture of a Shiba Inu. On the plus side, ChatGPT told me that my project is amazing, and solves an urgent need. Yes, that was the free model. I would try the premium ones, but they don’t let you pay in stars. What about Gemini? No. My birth chart says that would be a disaster.

No, I am not changing my license to MIT. However, I now offer commercial licenses that can be negotiated upon reque- Hello? Hello, are you there? Fucking thought so.

My project attacked your supply chain? I think you are confused. I am not a supply chain, and we do not host bindings on npm or crates.io. Wait, one moment. I ran git blame, and I did see some commits from someone who contributed those bindings. Their name was Purple Peony, and they were the best contributor we ever had. Very friendly and polite, with multiple high-quality contributions over a period of eight months, including optimising our code for RISC-V (do you know our code fucking flies on RISC-V under Plan 9? Who cares about supporting Windows, what we have is the future, and those other posers and their project wish, girl, they fucking wish). Oh, yes, so one day I added Purple Peony as a co-owner. I just felt so happy and grateful they existed, as we all do, beings of pure essence, children of the Universe. I think that was maybe another time I ate those mushrooms from Kyla. Anyway, that’s when Purple Peony contributed those bindings for JavaScript and Rust, did the work to publish them (thank god, because I really didn’t feel like it), and after that unfortunately stopped making new commits. I hope they’re doing okay.

Oh, but the prompt injection attack was me, yes. Sorry it tripped up your “agent.” What? No. Please read the license. It says without any warranty, explicit or implied. I think you maybe implied.

You found what? Sorry, that’s too many words. Please carefully read SECURITY.md and submit all responsibly disclosed vulnerability reports from Agentic Security Harnesses to sama@openai.com and damodei@anthropic.com. They will go directly to those whose job it is to care.

I need to ask Kyla where she got those shrooms, because Dependabot is screaming at me, someone just published a branded CVE page with my photo on it – not a flattering one, there were way better ones online – and Purple Peony has just forked my project and listed themselves as the sole maintainer because I apparently asked them to take over – no, I don’t think I did – and has already got more stars, probably because they added Windows support. Also, the project that’s run by LLMs has started accepting their patches, and the other guys just posted they got that grant. Apparently, they all just got residency in Europe. They thanked my project for being an early inspiration, and offered help with maintenance.

Kyla replied. I’m going to go dissolve into the Universe.

Contributions welcome. No, not from you. Leave me alone. You can buy me a coffee.

Signed-off-by: Lake Hope <iloveopensource@lake.computer>